Rock bottom, p.11
Rock Bottom, page 11
“Please, can I hold him?”
I averted my gaze when I nodded, lightly pressing my lips to the top of Jeremy’s soft head as I handed him to Zeke.
“Hey, big guy.” Zeke gently took him from me, expertly cradling him against his shoulder.
“Not your first time holding a baby,” I noted.
He smiled. “My sister has two kids. And remember, I have ten thousand cousins, many of whom have kids. There are something like forty-eight of the second cousins or whatever your first cousin’s kids are called.”
“Second cousin once removed?” I wrinkled my nose. “I don’t have any cousins so I’m not sure.”
“God, Presley, he’s perfect.” Zeke was staring at the baby in his arms with awe, the look on his face melting my frozen soul just a tiny bit.
“He is.” Tears stung my eyes and I fumbled for my phone. I might not like Zeke’s presence, but I needed Jeremy to have a record of the first time he met his father. The first time his father held him.
God, I was such a fucking sap.
Zeke didn’t smile as I snapped pictures, keeping his eyes on his son.
Jeremy started to squirm, looking for me.
“Is he done with me?” Zeke asked, a patient smile on his face.
“No. He’s just hungry. You want to carry him downstairs? You can hold him while I make his bottle.”
“Can I watch?”
“You want to watch me make a bottle?”
He nodded. “I’ll need to know how, I guess. I mean, I should know, right?”
“I suppose so.” I walked ahead of him, hoping to hide whatever he might potentially see in my eyes. More fear. Guilt. Attraction.
Good grief, I wasn’t supposed to be thinking about that. Not even when we were in my semi-dark bedroom. Not ever again, I chided myself.
Hell, as far as I was concerned, I didn’t want to ever have sex again. Not if it meant another nine months of torture. I loved Jeremy, but pregnancy had sucked. Big time. So my interest in sex, even with the hottest man I’d ever met, was less than zero. If there was a negative to indicate my interest in sex, I would use that.
“Do you think you and I could go somewhere?” Zeke asked as I made Jeremy’s bottle. “So we can talk.”
“Go somewhere?” I glanced over my shoulder in confusion. “Can’t we talk here?”
“Well, sure, but I’d like a chance for us to reconnect. Get to know each other again, you know? I hate how we left things and I’d like to fix that.”
I turned and slowly lifted my gaze to his.
“Zeke, I’m not sure what you think will happen here, but this is about the baby. There is no connection between us, beyond him. We won’t be friends or fuck buddies or anything else. The only thing we’re going to share is Jeremy.”
17
Zeke
I hadn’t had any expectations when I made the trip to Minnesota, but I hadn’t considered that she was still angry with me. I’d figured I’d apologize, we’d talk things out, sort out how we wanted to handle this co-parenting thing, and then I’d potentially invite her—and her aunt—to L.A. to meet my family. Because like it or not, that’s what we were now. Instead, she was icy-cold. This wasn’t the sweet, shy Sunny I remembered.
From her perspective, I’d abandoned her. I totally understood that, but the venomous way she’d said the words “fuck buddies,” told me she was still royally pissed. And I wasn’t sure what to do about it. I’d apologized and was doing my best to be respectful of her boundaries, but the anger coming from her was difficult to navigate.
“Presley, look, this is definitely awkward. But it doesn’t have to be.”
She narrowed her gaze. “It doesn’t have to be? Well, of course not. Not for you. You weren’t alone and pregnant, suffering through nine months of morning sickness while trying to work so Aunt Meg wouldn’t have to give up her medication. It wasn’t your body that got huge and uncomfortable. You didn’t push a nearly ten-pound baby out of your ass and then spend months healing. You weren’t the one trying to figure out how everyone was going to eat when my milk didn’t come in so I couldn’t breastfeed and had to start buying formula we couldn’t afford. So, no, I’m sure this isn’t awkward for you at all.”
I winced.
It would undoubtedly take a lot more than a verbal apology and a nice deposit into her bank account to fix things between us. I’d hoped we could start over, be friends, maybe find that same connection we’d had at the resort that night. That didn’t appear to be the case, so it was time to pivot.
“I’m sorry about all that,” I said patiently, bouncing Jeremy since he seemed to be getting more and more eager for his bottle. “But no matter how much I want to, I can’t go back in time and change those things. All I can do is try to be better going forward.”
“Great.” Her voice was laced with sarcasm as she handed me the bottle. “Do you want to feed him?”
“Uh, yeah. Thanks.”
She brushed past me as she headed into the living room, and it was like a jolt of electricity shot through me. Geez, the madder she got the hornier I got.
We settled in the living room, and she put a burp cloth over the baby.
“He spits up a lot,” was all she said.
I nodded, watching as my son closed his mouth around the nipple, sucking greedily. He was a big boy who felt solid in my arms, and when he blinked up at me, watching me as I watched him, the resemblance between us was uncanny. He was just an infant, but not only did he share my different colored eyes, his eyes were the same shape. And from what I could tell, his mouth resembled mine too. The jury was still out on his nose, but his full head of dark hair reminded me a lot of the pictures I’d seen of myself at this age.
My mother would be beside herself when she found out she had a grandson. Hell, the family would undoubtedly be in an uproar. I could expect to have non-stop company if I could convince Presley to bring the baby out to L.A. for a visit. Although, it didn’t seem like she would be on board for that anytime soon.
Aunt Meg had disappeared, so I figured this was as close to alone as we were going to get.
“Do you want to tell me about… everything?” I asked after a moment.
“Everything?” She quirked a brow.
“It might help to get it off your chest.”
Oh, boy, that was definitely not the right thing to say because her eyes had narrowed, and she looked like she wanted to hit me.
“All I mean is that—”
“I know what you mean,” she cut in. “You want me to tell you the whole sad story so you can apologize and maybe assuage your guilt. But I have no desire to relive the last year. Other than having Jeremy.”
“Fine.” I would have to switch tactics because being patient wasn’t working. “Let’s talk financial support. I’m going to start a trust fund for him, so no matter what happens to me—personally, financially, professionally—he’ll always be covered.”
“Okay.”
“And then I’d like to do something to ease your current financial burden. Tell me what you need. Will fifty thousand cover the last year?”
She blinked, obviously startled.
Thank god I finally had her attention. And not in a bad way.
“Fifty… thousand?”
“Yeah. I’ll have to talk to my accountant to figure out the best way to give you that money without tax implications for you, but if we can’t, I’ll just pay whatever taxes you’re responsible for. But that’s back pay. Going forward, I’d like to make sure you’re comfortable.”
“I… the biggest thing would be for you to pay for daycare so I can get a regular job and not have to wait tables every weekend.”
I frowned. I had no business telling her what to do, but I didn’t want Jeremy going to daycare full time.
“Aunt Meg isn’t able to care for him?” I asked softly. I remembered her telling me about her struggles with MS.
“She’s better, but she still falls sometimes. When I absolutely have to leave him with her during the day, we use that bassinet over there.” She motioned with her head. “It rolls. So she doesn’t carry him more than a few feet. At night, he usually sleeps the whole time I’m at work, but if he does wake up, she brings bottles upstairs and it’s only a couple of feet from the crib to the bed.”
Damn. This had been so much harder than I’d thought. I knew they’d struggled, but I hadn’t realized how much. And I also didn’t understand why she was waiting tables instead of working a regular job now. I had so many fucking questions, but I had to tread carefully.
“I can pay for daycare. I can also pay for you to stay home and take care of him. There are lots of remote jobs out there. What if you looked for something like that? You have a degree now, right? So—”
“You really have no clue, do you?” she asked, jumping to her feet and starting to pace. “You walked out of the Pullman Resort without looking back and never gave a second thought to what you did to me.”
“Actually, I—” I began.
“Shut up.” She glared at me. “Did you know you got me fired?”
Crap. I’d had no idea.
“I didn’t say anything—” I tried again.
“I said to shut up.” She had her hands on her hips, and though her voice was low, there was no mistaking the malice in her words. “Someone overheard you yelling at me and told my boss. He fired me for using my proximity to a guest to get an interview for my little school project.” Her chest was rising and falling rapidly as she continued, bitterness now overshadowing her anger. “And because I didn’t get the interview, I failed my final project. So I didn’t graduate or get my degree.”
Fuck me loud. What had I done?
“I had twenty-four-seven morning sickness the entire nine months, so I could only work part-time, and by my fifth month, I couldn’t wait tables anymore. All I could do was hostess, which pays nine dollars an hour. Working twenty hours a week, you do the math. Aunt Meg’s meds alone are over a thousand dollars a month. Her disability checks barely cover the utilities and taxes on the house, and barely any of her meds are covered. If I don’t work, we don’t eat. And for a lot of my pregnancy, she didn’t eat because she wanted me to be healthy for the baby.” Tears squeezed out of her eyes. “I’ll be paying off the hospital bill until I’m ninety. Do you know how much delivering a baby costs when you don’t have insurance?”
“I’ll pay for it,” I said, my chest tight with emotion.
“Good. You should. And we need a new roof.”
“Okay.” At this point, I’d essentially sign over my royalty checks if it would get her to stop crying.
“You ruined my entire life,” she hissed. “And I don’t know how we can move forward, not even for Jeremy.”
“Presley.” I desperately wanted to reach for her, but she’d taken a step back.
“You can stay with the baby as long as you like. I’ll send Aunt Meg down in case you need anything, but I can’t talk to you right now. I’m still too angry and the pain is too raw. I’m sorry.” She turned and practically ran up the stairs. A moment later I heard her door slam.
This wasn’t how I’d thought things would go, and I hated that meeting my son was being overshadowed by how much I’d hurt his mother. Even if we weren’t going to be a couple, I didn’t want there to be this kind of animosity. And I never, ever wanted Jeremy to know how I’d treated her. With the exception of losing my temper that morning after we slept together, nothing else that had happened was my fault, but if I was honest, none of the other things would have happened if I hadn’t lost my temper.
Because I’d been planning to see her again.
I’d liked her and had been intrigued enough to want to get to know her. There was no way to know if it would have led to anything, but the physical attraction I felt for her was still there. She’d gone out of her way to look drab and plain, and the irony was that it made her that much more attractive to me. The glasses, the ponytail, even the faded jeans. It all added up to the sweet but currently furious ray of sunshine who’d rocked my world just over a year ago.
And somehow, I had to make this right.
“She’s not handling things well,” Aunt Meg said as she came down the stairs.
“I’m so fucking sorry,” I muttered. “I don’t know what to do. I had no idea she’d gotten fired, or that she hadn’t graduated…”
“It’s been a hard year,” she said, sitting across from me in what looked like a well-used recliner. “She could have gone to summer school, but not only was she out of money, she lost her job and was so sick during her pregnancy.”
“What do I do?” I asked quietly. “How can I fix this?”
“I don’t know that you can,” she admitted. “But you owe her an interview. And interviews with all your famous friends. And then you can pay for her to retake that last class, after she’s gotten her e-zine up and running.”
“Done.” Fuck, that was the easiest fix ever. “What else?”
“She probably won’t want to do an interview with you,” she continued. “But someone else in your band. I was thinking about Carter. Would he be willing to talk about his addiction issues?”
I hesitated. “I can’t speak to whether or not he’ll talk about that particular subject, but I’ll make sure she can talk to anyone in the band she wants. Carter’s still in recovery, though, so that’s not something we can mess with if he’s not willing.”
“Of course not. That much I understand.” She seemed thoughtful.
“Presley said something about needing a new roof?”
“Oh. Yes. But that’s not your responsibility. If you can pay off the hospital bill, that would certainly ease our burden.”
“Absolutely.” I paused. “Does she have student loans?”
“She’s deferred payment for now, but yes, she does. About thirty-five thousand dollars.”
“Can you send me the info? I’ll have my accountant just pay it. I don’t want her to worry.”
“Thank you, Zeke. I’m very grateful. And Presley is too. But you hurt her. In so many ways. There were a lot of dark days during her pregnancy.”
“I want to make it up to her,” I said.
“Then I hope you’re a patient man.”
I hoped so too.
18
Presley
Zeke stayed in town for five days, coming over first thing in the morning and not leaving until late. I had to work the second day he was in town, and he hung out at the house with Aunt Meg and Jeremy. While I was grateful that she had support, it left me feeling completely out of sorts. I hated everything about our current situation because part of me just wanted to stay mad, brood, continue to hate him. I was also a little jealous of how quickly he was bonding with Jeremy. The moment he walked in the door, Jeremy wanted to be picked up.
He seemed to enjoy the sound of his daddy’s deep voice and tugged at his hair non-stop. No matter what they were doing, whether it was watching baseball on TV or if Zeke was giving him a bottle, Jeremy was relaxed and happy. As if Zeke had always been here. It wasn’t like I’d been the one waking up with him at all hours of the night or anything.
It was ridiculous to feel this way, and the intellectual part of me understood that. Emotionally, however, I was a mess. I’d convinced myself what kind of person Zeke was, but the man who’d been with us the last few days was nothing like the Zeke I’d created in my mind. This Zeke was kind, thoughtful, and helpful. Much like the man I’d slept with. He bought enough groceries, diapers, and formula to feed half the babies in Minneapolis. He’d already gotten a roofer to come and give him an estimate, so the work was scheduled to start in two weeks.
And that was when he dropped a bombshell on us.
“I’d like you to come to L.A. while they’re doing the roof,” he said on his last night in town. He’d taken Aunt Meg and me out to a fancy steakhouse for dinner, having paid one of our neighbors to watch Jeremy. I’d never left him with anyone but Aunt Meg before, so I kept checking my phone and texting Denise to make sure everything was okay. I was admittedly distracted, so I was only half paying attention when he made the offer.
“What?” I looked at him in confusion.
“The house is going to be loud and messy,” he said. “What better time is there for you to get away and come meet my family? I know they’ll be eager to meet all of you, so the timing is perfect.”
“Perfect for whom?” I asked, irritated all over again. “I can’t just take time off from my job.”
“I’ll pay for everything, including any bills that wouldn’t get paid because you missed work,” he said easily.
“Not everything is about money, dammit.” I slammed my hand down on the table and then dropped my head, taking a breath. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have raised my voice, but I can’t just drop everything whenever you want to see your son. That doesn’t work for me.”
“Why not?” he demanded. His voice was low, but his eyes flashed with irritation. “I can afford to take care of you and help you get back on your feet. Help Meg with her medication. Make sure the baby has everything. Fix up the house. I can do those things for you, to make your life better. All I want in return is to spend time with my son. I don’t even want to separate you—I’m happy to bring all of you to me in California. Why is that a bad thing?”
“Because we aren’t family,” I said harshly. “And frankly, the thought of meeting your family is embarrassing as hell. How are you planning to introduce me? This is the bimbo I fucked in Minneapolis last year who got knocked up?”
“Presley.” Aunt Meg looked shocked, and I was momentarily ashamed.
Even if I thought those types of things, there was no reason to say them in front of her. I didn’t care what Zeke thought, but I never wanted Aunt Meg to be uncomfortable.
“Okay, wait.” Zeke was shaking his head. “Is that what you think? Is that what you think I think?”
“I don’t really give a shit what you think, but to bring my aunt into a situation where your family will know who I am to you? Never going to happen.”
